Dreams or just screwed up realities....

            I never really have good dreams or even if I do I don’t really remember them. What I do remember are the fucked up ones. I ain’t talking nightmares here. Just dreams which show me how sad my life really is.

            Like a couple of years ago I had this dream about getting a bike, or rather the process of getting a bike and then at the last moment my mom tells me that there is no chance in hell I will be allowed to get a bike. Now in reality that situation exists but how sad is my life that even in my dreams I can’t get a bike.

            Which brings me to why the sudden urge to write about dreams. Well last night I again had another fucked up dream in which I was very good friends with a really hot girl from my school and she confesses to me that she is still in love with her ex. How fucked up is that???

            Even in my dreams I cant get the girl of my dreams. How fucked up am I? General ponderings of an overused mind I guess…

Life and other shit!!!

    Its been a long time since the last blog. Primarily cause i was busy and mostly cause i used to think of some topic to blog about but never really got down to it. But this time its a topic that has greatly been on my mind. And i thought i had to get it out there in the collective conscious of the internet. Either that or just as a self reminder of the things i am going through.

    I had never really been in a serious relationship till now. The fantasy of a relationship is very different from the harsh reality of it. Cause two people whose hopes and dreams have to merge into one. And everybody has different agendas and priorities. You may settle on some, but what happens if two people get into a relationship whose core priorities are completely different. You may love one another but is that really enough? How important is compatibility?

    A friend told me that the first 11-18 months of a relationship is like being on cocaine. Your brain releases the same chemicals that are released when u do cocaine. But eventually the passion fizzles out and

what you are left with is two people sharing a room. So its better to have someone who has the same likes an interests as you. The problem with that approach is that first off it is difficult to find someone

who has the same likes and interests as you in the opposite sex.(Especially if ur a geek like me.) Girls are hardly ever interested in sci-fi and electronics. And secondly same likes and interests does not equate to liking the girl. Also using that logic a relationship can only be evaluated 18 months down the line.

    You need to be a serious sociopath to be that cold as 18 months down the line u evaluate and if not compatible you move on.

    So that approach doesn't work from a practical standpoint. Then how do u evaluate a relationship 3-4 months in. You like the girl. Maybe even love her. How do you know if she is the one you want to spend the rest of your life with? Logically speaking you have very little in common with her. But in all probability you are never going to get a girl who loves you as much as she does. She is willing to accept you for who you are. She is willing to do anything for you. Isn't that enough?

    I always used to think that in marriages girls are younger than guys cause their parents force them into marriages earlier. I now realize that true though it may be, girls do mature earlier than guys. Maybe that is what causes the age differential. A guy at 30 is as mature as a girl at 25. Thats probably why most college and school romances fail. Cause a girl realizes what she wants while the guy is still looking. Maybe he realizes later that the looking was pointless. But that only comes with maturity. Which is the whole point.

:(