The Mess of Narmad

All characters and names mentioned by me here are not fictitious or imaginary and any resemblance to any people living or dead is purely intentional and not at all regretted.

In movies we always admire the heroes and the work they do to save the world but it is always the bad guys who get more attention. The villains come on tv broadcast messages and cause panic but even though people hate them they know who they are. The heroes on the other hand always work in the background almost never get recognition and are soon forgotten once the crisis is over. But the villains are always remembered, feared but remembered. Real life is not much different. Take Bin Laden or Abu Salem for example, both probably had their hand in the killings of hundreds of thousands of people and you would probably imagine these are the worst villains possible. But then these guys we have only seen on the tv or read about them in the newspaper. They haven’t really affected our personal lives. But there is another breed of villains the ones who claim to be our friends and then stab us in the back, and as if that’s not bad enough they probably come up with a line like, “Oh I didn’t mean to do it” or “Did it really hurt that much”. These villains I believe are worst than the first kind, because they affect your lives at a very personal level.

Our story is about two such villains, let’s call them Jockey and Cuppax. Now these two are the biggest mother fuckers alive in the true sense of the word. The story actually starts around the first year hostel elections but the details of which are highly controversial and since there is no hard proof to back the story I am gonna skip to the second year of their stay in Narmad during the institute elections. Cuppax is a very ambitious character and wanted to run for institute general secretary in his fourth year so his scheming began from that point onwards. He wanted to support someone in institute elections. Now he apparently has strong ties with a guy called Ramprasad from Tapti and this guy advises him to support PP in the institute election as this guy would then help him in the hostel elections. “Narmad is a chut hostel da mama, it is under our control.” says Ramprasad. Cuppax says he will do so if they support him in his hostel general secretary elections. Pappu is planning to stand for Narmad Gen Sec so PP requests Pappu to step aside from the gen sec position so that Cuppax can have a better chance at winning the hostel elections. Pappu agrees but makes a deal with Cuppax agreeing that Cuppax would help him in the SAC elections.

Meanwhile another parallel storyline is in progress. A character called Castrol wants to stand for the Narmad gen sec post. He is quite competent. But he has a major character flaw, he is never able to differentiate between who his friends are and who are the people that are just using him. Jockey claims to be a great friend of Castrol and Castrol trust him. Jockey and Cuppax brainwash him into standing for a position other than that of gen sec using fundaes like friendship and loyalty. He agrees and decides that he would rather stand for SAC. This causes more trouble for them than what they had anticipated.

Pappu comes to them and says “what da macha you had promised me a unanimous position for SAC now why is Castrol standing? You have to talk to him and make him sit.” These guys now are in trouble. They know they have to support Pappu in the hostel elections if Cuppax wants an insti position. So now the only option left to them is to make Castrol sit. But they are still trying to portray themselves as his friends so they go about it in an elaborate manner by involving Tapti junta and paining him and putting fundaes about how politics is bad and that it is just not worth it. They even go to the extent of paining him when he is lying sick on the hospital bed. Cuppax and Jockey take care of their back as they go to Pappu and tell him, “Macha we can’t come out openly against Castrol as we are pretending to be his friends but our personal votes as well as other junta whom we can influence quietly like theory etc. will also vote for you.”

Castrol finally gets frustrated and like an idiot hands his nomination form over to Pappu, his opponent saying the “Macha you do whatever you want to do.” Pappu being Castrol’s friend in their first year gets psyched and goes to PP and Ramprasad complaining about how Cuppax and Jockey’s politics are now giving him a bad name. PP says he will talk to Cuppax and Pappu leaves. Ramprasad comes and talks to Cuppax and hands him over the nomination form asking him to take care of the matter and set things right. Cuppax now has the golden opportunity he was waiting for. All he has to do is sit quietly in his room and the matter would be resolved. Well the final date for nomination passes and Castrol’s nomination is never filed. Cuppax and Jockey think they have won this round as Pappu becomes unanimous and the guy standing against Cuppax is a weak opponent (Todi). But the story about Cuppax’s dealing get out, of and junta support Todi out of spite for Cuppax and Todi wins.

This should have been the end of their villainy and they should have realized that playing politics is not gonna get them anywhere, but once a motherfucker, always a motherfucker. Now comes the third year insti elections where Cuppax wanted to stand for insti gen sec. But his hopes are soon dashed when two strong opponents are standing for that position so this guy starts grabbing at straws going from Gen Sec to Cul Sec Lit to Cul Sec Arts to finally when he sees no other position is available to HAS. Now a character called Dusad who was the Narmad Mess Sec then (which is generally thought of as a precursor to HAS) is planning to stand for HAS. He has told about it to everyone and is aiming for that position since a long time. Cuppax goes and files his nomination and then goes to Dusad trying to make him sit down by putting fundaes like, “Abe mere pass sare Narmad aur Tapti ke votes hain, aur mujhe kafi Core’s bhi support kar rahe hain. It is better if you sit down and let me win this one.” Dusad is furious but has no choice as he know if both of them stand neither of them can win (as we had already seen in our first year when Mama stood against Tommy) and Cuppax refuses to back down. So Dusad finally withdraws from the elections and Cuppax thinks he has won this round. History has a way of repeating itself and it does so again. This time though the entire hostel goes against Cuppax and he loses this election too. People he was really close to his own wing mates don’t vote for him. Examples include Ayush, Amod, Bore, Soso, Joy, Malpani, Ankur, Tapo, me of course and the list goes on and on. Out of the 220 votes of Narmad that Cuppax claimed were in his pockets he barely got 50 votes. (Castrol Being the idiot that he is supports Cuppax in the insti elections despite knowing what was done to him in hostel elections, and Diro being the idiotic saint and advisor that he is to Castrol agrees.) and But even this did not deter our villains. Losing constantly because of bad politics should have made them more humble but it did no such thing.

Now I am gonna talk about a little other stuff which Cuppax and Jockey loving doing and that is taming juniors. Now taming may be too strong a word as it is only used in regards to wild animals but that is what they do. They convert juniors to their personal puppets making them run errands and generally treating them as dirt although in their own political way as if appearing to really care about them. Examples of this include Achar, Janwar and IP in third year, CT, Danda, Auto and Potli, in second year, and TT is the only freshie I know who is under their spell but there may be others. Now you may think all this is ok and there is no harm in it, but it all comes to culmination in their 4^th year hostel night.

Cuppax and Jockey still haven’t improved his ways and still put hajaar RG to junta which is in his nature. Cuppax and jockey even go and shoot their own hostel night videos without talking to the other wing junta. All he did till now could have been ignored in the name of politics as everything is fair there and his nature as a separatist. But these guys cross the line in the hostel night. They wanted their toasts done first which is ok but they go about doing that in a very elaborate manner. Now there is proof for this and it is irrefutable. Achar told me himself that Jockey, Cuppax, Theory and Nandu’s toast were gonna be done first as he had an exam the next day and he wanted to attend their toasts. They first claim to do Diro’s toast as he is very well liked in the hostel. But then they claim the videos are not ready. Next they move on to Malpani but again they cite the same excuses. I mean why go around doing the whole rigmarole. What did they want to show? So now they move on to the intended toasts and those last for something to the tune of two hours. Two Hours for Four toasts????? Don’t you think something is amiss?????

Of course because they wasted so much time on these four guys hajaar toasts were left out. Toasts of five previous secretaries were not done. (Malpani, Pappu, Dusad, Bhosdi and Chidu.) What did they want to prove? That they could trample all over their batchmates and no one would retaliate? Well enough is enough. What I would really like is a public flogging of these bastards but in the absence of that at least I want them to be discredited in the entire institute. This really is the essence of this post.

The story stated above is my own interpretation of events and anyone (in the entire insti) wanting to refute me or set the story straight or just watch the bastard’s humiliation is welcome to come to Narmada common room on Thursday the 10^th of April at 9pm.

PS: If the characters do not come the story in its current version will be accepted as true and will not be open to debate after that point of time.

PPS: As to the point of them taming junta, just another example of it would be that their booze for hostel night was arranged by a freshie (TT).

PPPS: Nandu and theory got sandwiched between the bastards, but I mean them no harm.